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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29304696">Vignettes of the Nine Chaotic Dumbasses</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siobunny/pseuds/Siobunny'>Siobunny</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Nine Chaotic Dumbasses [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood, Death, Dumb Bitch Energy Inc., Dying alone on a mountain, Explosions, Friendly Rivalry, Friends to Enemies, Gen, Minecraft Survival, Origin Stories, Prank Wars, Rivalry, Server admin, Short Stories, Snow, War, backstories</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:53:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,313</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29304696</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siobunny/pseuds/Siobunny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Backstories, short stories, and random info on my favorite Nine Chaotic Dumbasses. :)</p><p>Warnings (so far): Swearing, descriptions of injury, character death (but like, temporary death)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Nine Chaotic Dumbasses [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2151930</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Connor Meets Shea and the World Explodes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>A few years ago...</i>
</p><p>Connor had been in Kathleen’s gang for a few months, getting to know Aria, Lily, and Anna and helping around as he got used to the idea of survival. He had left a rich home to go adventuring, and was eternally grateful that Kathleen was willing to put up with his inexperience with anything pertaining to survival. He had barely known what the health bar was for; he had only twice ever taken damage, once from his brother throwing a vase, the other from falling off a wall that was a little higher than he had thought.</p><p>He was still what they called a “noob,” a teasing but seldom-used nickname, only brought up when he made a very obvious mistake. It was never used maliciously, and he appreciated it.</p><p>And then Shea appeared. The most world-weary teenager he had ever met, she was bitter, angry, and spiteful, as well as the best survivalist he had ever seen (despite not having seen many in his short adventuring career). The only thing redder than her hair was her temper. She instantly hated him, with, as she put it, “his pathetic soft hands and aversion to blood.” She referred to him exclusively as “the noob,” not even giving him the benefit as using it as a name, just an object. He hated her back.</p><p>Kathleen was constantly trying to placate the two of them, much to the other three members’ amusement. Shea somehow managed to endear herself to them, but no matter what, Connor could not see the “great sense of humor” or the “lovely hugs” they always talked about. The only time she touched him was to shoulder past him for what seemed to be no apparent reason.</p><p>One day, he opened the front door of his house only to be absolutely soaked by a bucket of freezing water. There was a riot of laughter behind him, and he turned to see all the members of the party anywhere from hunched over to completely sprawled on the ground, laughing. Shea was actually choking, on her hands and knees, her lack of armor telling him that she had been the one to place the bucket. Armor was noisy, and stealth was the only way for it to work.</p><p>“Hilarious,” he grumbled, but the sheer amount of merriment made him smile. He checked the life counter: Shea still had five lives left. While she was still on the ground, wheezing, he took out his bow and shot her. She died instantly, the high level of the bow and her lack of armor making it almost merciful.</p><p>All the laughter stopped, an eerie silence falling over the clearing. Shea had emptied her inventory, probably just in case she had gotten caught and he had killed her for breaking and entering, for which he was relieved, as she just disappeared instead of exploding into a million items (give or take). The silence grew louder and louder as no one really knew how to react. Connor wasn’t going to be the one to break it.</p><p>About thirty seconds had elapsed when the door to Shea’s house opened. She walked out, grinning and rubbing the spot the arrow had hit. “To be fair, I deserved that,” she said, and the clearing burst into laughter again.</p><p>A week later, Connor had walked to the downstairs chest room of his house only to find the floor was completely covered in lava. After his initial anger, he noticed the sign on the other side of the room: <i> With all my love, Shea. </i> 

His anger instantly returned.</p><p>After cleaning up the lava mess, he crafted a single piece of TNT. Directly under her front door, it would make a pretty sizeable hole but wouldn’t take the whole thing out. He waited until she was out mining, planted it, and then sat back to see what would happen.</p><p>
  <i>Shea exploded. </i>
</p><p>-------------------<br/>
She lost her bed in the explosion, so the respawn process had been long and painful. Kathleen had gone to pick her up from spawn, and she rested for three days straight before she started to rebuild the front of her house. When he finally saw her, she had a large white patch on the right side of her face and her arms, the only skin he could see, and he felt bad. No wonder she had stayed down for so long. He felt bad, but not bad enough to apologize. In his defense, this is what prank wars entailed.</p><p>She referred to him as Connor, too, and would actually address him in conversation. He started to see the sense of humor everyone else was talking about, and began to wonder if her hugs also held up to what they had said. But he was still afraid of what her response would be.</p><p>Several weeks passed without incident, every day putting Connor more on edge. He knew everyone else was now rooting for Shea, since she had lost two lives at Connor’s hands, and therefore had more leeway with what she could do. He grew downright paranoid, checking doors and entrances wherever he went, always checking chest linings before opening them, and staring at the ground in case of tripwires. Nothing ever happened, and he felt like his nerves were fraying.</p><p>Almost two months since the TNT incident, he started a new strip mine and had spent most of his time underground, feeling safer away from her immediate control in newly-explored caves. After finishing the caves, he continued in the standard straight lines, swinging the pickaxe mindlessly forward. Block after block broke before him, and the exertion burned his arms and lungs, but he didn’t stop. The rhythmic swing and impact was comforting, and he felt himself slipping into the daze that only consistent, mind-numbing work can bring. </p><p>Suddenly, the stone turned to obsidian. Startled, Connor stopped mining. He had somehow ended up in a space two blocks deep, two blocks tall, and one block wide of solid obsidian. How had this gotten here...? An intense heat engulfed him, and he spun around to see lava at his feet, with Shea standing behind a one-block-high cobblestone barrier, smiling like the cat who knocked the glass off the counter.</p><p>Agony raced up his legs and he desperately tried to claw his way along the walls to the block, but the lava hurt too much and he moved too slowly.</p><p>
  <i>Connor tried to swim in lava.</i>
</p><p>He had floated in the void for a while, trying to ignore the tingly feeling of his body piecing itself back together, and plotted his revenge. He decided on more TNT, this time under her entire manor and the grounds, completely wiping the place off the map. He figured everyone, including him, could pitch in and help her rebuild. Honestly, TNT was too quick of a death for making him swim in lava, but he was feeling forgiving, and the loss of everything that wasn’t in an ender chest was compensation for the lack of pain.</p><p>She hadn’t destroyed his bed, thank God, and so he woke up in a comfortable place with the perfect amount of covers and soft pillows instead of on the hot sand of the beach at spawn. For a second, as he stretched his aching limbs, he wondered if this small kindness warranted only <i>half</i> her grounds destroyed, but as he moved the covers and saw the twisted, ropy burn scars on his legs, he decided against it. To use one of her own common phrases, “Go big or go home,” and he was already home.</p><p>When he had the strength and willpower to move, he immediately started on the trap, using more gunpowder than he had ever even seen in the previous worlds. It took days and days of heavy lifting, mining, hauling, and wiring redstone without setting it off prematurely. But finally, it was done. His magnum opus, his masterpiece. He surveyed his underground network, impressed by the sheer amount of work he had put into this. It would be magnificent.</p><p>All that was left was to place the pressure plate in a well-traveled but relatively inconspicuous place on her grounds. That wasn’t hard to find; after doing reconnaissance on her movements he realized she walked through the door with reckless abandon, not even checking for tripwires or pressure plates. He was in awe of her brazen attitude, but couldn’t suppress the glee that it would be her downfall.</p><p>He placed the plate that night, planning to get up early and wait just out of range of the explosion so he could see his baby in action. The night was surprisingly cold, and his fingers numbed so badly he could barely grip the door, causing it to slam a bit as he attempted to creep back outside. However, there was no movement or light in the house. He grinned. Shea was a notoriously heavy sleeper, and he knew this had saved his ass.</p><p>The next morning, he woke up just as he had planned, dressed warmly, and crept down to her house. There was no sign of life inside, and so he settled back to wait, entertaining himself with thoughts of how it could go down and what she would do when she woke up at spawn again. At least the sand wouldn’t be hot, yet.</p><p>“What are ya doing, bitchboy?” a voice asked over his shoulder, and he spun around, heart throbbing in panic.</p><p>Shea stood there, arms crossed, her face completely devoid of emotion. As his heart started to slow after the initial shock, he screwed up his face indignantly. “Bitchboy?” he asked, putting a hand to his chest. “You wound me.”</p><p>“Good. I want to show you something.” Her expression was still unreadable, but she grabbed his wrist and started hauling him toward the front door of her house.</p><p>“Wait, no!” he exclaimed, attempting to break free of her grasp, but the long years of survival training easily overpowered his gentle upbringing. He was forced to stumble along behind her, growing more and more resigned to his own death as they neared the door. She hauled him up the front steps and opened the double doors, then stopped, pointing at the pressure plate.</p><p>“You thought you were sneaky,” she said, and he cringed at the amused tone in her voice.</p><p>“Maybe, but now that you have seen it, can you please let me go?” he asked, using his other hand to pull at her fingers.</p><p>“That was not what I wanted to show you.” She looked up, directly into his eyes, and gave the brightest smile he had ever seen. She stepped back onto the pressure plate.</p><p>Connor froze. He knew he couldn’t make it out of the radius in time, so he stood completely still as the world collapsed around him.</p><p>
  <i>Shea exploded.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Connor exploded.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Your home bed was missing or obstructed.</i>
</p><p>What.</p><p>What? His bed? What did that mean? How had his bed gotten destroyed? That meant that the process would be long and excruciating, which, if he thought about it, was karma. He grimaced. Life had a funny way of coming full circle sometimes.</p><p>Again floating in the void, he regretted ever using TNT. He thought the instant death would be nicer than swimming in lava, but he was <i> oh so wrong.</i> Absolute agony consumed his entire body, and he couldn’t imagine having to go through this twice. Remorse filled him as he waited for his body to be thrown back into the overworld. With the time it felt like it was taking, the sand would definitely be hot when he respawned. Shit.</p><p>At some point, he closed his eyes and let his mind drift. He didn’t notice he had respawned until the pain, a deep, pounding ache, settled into his body. Where was the awful heat and sun of the beach? Slowly he opened his eyes to see a small shelter covering his head. </p><p>“Hey, bitchboy,” a breathless voice said next to him, and he turned his head as carefully as he could to see Shea lying next to him, chest rising and falling shallowly in obvious pain. Despite that, she still had the shit-eating grin on her scarred face. “I wired the entire area with TNT. The others should be showing up soon.”</p><p>He blinked, trying to comprehend what she had said. “Why?” he eventually asked, trying to ignore how his tongue felt like sandpaper.</p><p>She gave an almost imperceptible shrug, looking as if every bone was broken. “Why not?”</p><p>He gave a short bark of a laugh, immediately curling in on himself as pure fire ran through his body. “Hurts to laugh,” he choked out, and she gave a small huff.</p><p>“You’re telling me.”</p><p>“I am going to <i>murder</i> the two of you,” Aria’s weak voice said from behind Connor.</p><p>“I will join you in that endeavor,” Lily agreed. He turned his head to see Aria, Lily, and Anna had respawned, and were all glaring at the two of them. Suddenly, Kathleen popped up next to them, groaning.</p><p>“I’m going to go make a new world. Sit tight,” she said. She turned to look at the two culprits. “I will deal with you when I have the strength to beat the dumb bitch energy out of the two of you.” She disappeared, leaving only an imprint in the sand where she had been lying.</p><p>Shea laughed, wincing at the movement. “Dumb bitch energy.”</p><p>“You could trademark that,” Anna said, still sounding annoyed.</p><p>“We could make it a company, where only the finest dumb bitch energy is made,” Connor supplied helpfully, his voice muffled by the arm he had painfully moved to cover his head.</p><p>“Dumb Bitch Energy, Incorporated,” Shea mused. “I like it.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Lord Yeeteth and the Lord Yoinketh Away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Raye contemplates life.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>HMMMMMMMMMMMMM it's been a minute, midterms are kicking my ASS dude. I got nerfed with the test schedule, so I was only able to write in study breaks. Tragic. I am a caffeinated mess.</p><p>Leave thy gun and thy badge at the door, thou hooligan</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The stars were beautiful. They sparkled high above, like sugar spilled across a black tablecloth. There wasn’t a cloud in sight, and the moon made the pine forest as bright as day, shining on the snowy cliff and bathing the world in silver. A beautiful, freezing, colorless landscape. Raye sighed, feeling the cold seep into her bones. Sitting at the base of the cliff, in the snow, at night, was maybe not her best idea, but she was low on brainpower at the moment.</p><p>“The Lord yeeteth and the Lord yoinketh away.”</p><p>The break of the perfect silence startled her. Then she processed what was said. “What?” she asked, reeling. Ausa looked over at her, face pale but still smiling as he rested his head against the cliff.</p><p>“You heard me. The Lord yeeteth and the Lord yoinketh away.”</p><p>“What does that even mean?” she asked, voice raspy, choking a bit on the blood in her mouth.</p><p>“Dying makes you think about life. And that is what I have concluded.” He grimaced, holding the gaping hole in his side. “The Lord—”</p><p>“Don’t you dare say it again. I would rather die in peace without the ridiculous existential crisis, thank you.”</p><p>“But it’s so thought-provoking!” he huffed, leaning back against the cliff face.</p><p>“Maybe for you, you sad little man. I like looking at the stars and hearing the wind.”</p><p>An explosion echoed in the distance. “We’re fucked,” Ausa said helpfully, and Raye nodded. </p><p>“I only have one life left after this. I didn’t think this was how I would go out, at war with my friends.” Raye cringed. She had another life, but Ausa was on his last. Once he died tonight, there was no coming back.</p><p>Ausa gave a sigh of agreement, and the two lapsed into silence, the cold settling into their bodies and the stars wheeling far overhead. The wind whispered through the pines, and if Raye closed her eyes and forgot about the cold, she could almost imagine she was on the beach. The thought of warm sun and friendly banter with the rest of her friends was such a pleasant thought, and she entertained it.</p><p>“Come here, bitch!” Shea screamed at Connor, running as quickly as she could in the waist deep water. Connor, who had only been in up to his knees and was looking with disgust at the rather high waves, instantly turned on his heel and sprinted away from the oncoming disaster. Shea resorted to chasing him around the beach, trying to get him deep enough so she could dunk him while everyone else sat calmly, enjoying the sun and the break from work.</p><p>Kathleen was stretched on the sand with a book, hand over her eyes to read, and Aria was next to her, eating some of the picnic the group had brought along. Jack and Anna were working on the structure of a pretty impressive sandcastle, while Lily was adding the finer details. Raye smiled at the scene and Ausa asleep on the sand next to her. Building a communal castle was a rough enterprise, with a rotating shift of people mining or building every other day. The reprieve of a beach day was welcome.</p><p>Shea finally got Connor into the water, and the two played their customary game of chicken to see who would swim out the furthest. To Raye’s estimate, Shea was winning 7-2. As expected. They crawled back to shore what seemed like hours later, breathing hard and choking on laughter and seawater. Ausa had woken up a little while ago and had started drawing huge murals in the sand with a stick, Lily abandoning Jack, Anna, the sandcastle to join him. Kathleen had fallen asleep, and Aria had taken her book and started reading it for herself, head propped on the admin’s stomach. Raye hadn’t moved; she sat enjoying the happiness of her friends and trying to burn the image into her mind forever.</p><p>The sun was dipping lower toward the horizon and starting to color the clouds gold. Raye leaned back and watched the clouds float over her, the colors changing and growing more vibrant every second, breathing in the salty air and the laughter and soft chatter of her favorite people. She closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of being sun-drunk, that warm sleepiness of long, relaxing sun exposure.</p><p>The next thing she knew, Ausa was shaking her awake. “Food is ready,” he said, and disappeared into the sudden darkness. Raye lay still for a second, staring at the stars that had appeared while she dozed. They were beautiful and they felt close enough to touch, and she reached out as if she could. </p><p>“Come on, Raye!” Anna called, and Raye sighed, pushing herself up on her elbows. Everyone was gathered around a fire someone had started, so she climbed to her feet and went over and joined them, settling between Shea and Lily. Dumb Bitch Inc. were both shivering, sharing a towel in an attempt to consolidate body heat, and were by far the closest to the fire. Kathleen and Aria were passing out food, and Ausa was adding wood to the fire.</p><p>“Can I build myself a tower on the edge of the castle?” Shea asked, voice shaking as she shivered. “I really like the idea of living in a tower.”</p><p>“Okay, Rapunzel,” Anna laughed, and Shea shot her a playful glare.</p><p>“At least I don’t want to live in the basement!” she shot back, and Anna gasped and clasped a hand to her chest.</p><p>“How dare you insult my burrowing nature!” she cried.</p><p>Jack shook his head. “I don’t get it. No windows!”</p><p>“Only candles and firelight. I wanted to test it out,” Anna shrugged. “If I don’t like it, I’ll steal Shea’s tower.”</p><p>“You can try!” Shea responded hotly, crossing her arms. </p><p>Connor grinned. “You’re getting defenestrated out of your tower by the second day.”</p><p>“That sounds kinky,” Aria added helpfully. “What does defenestrate mean?”</p><p>“The act of throwing someone out of a window,” Kathleen replied, taking a sip of hot chocolate to hide a laugh.</p><p>“Bold of you to assume I won’t land on my feet, fucker,” Shea snapped, shoving him out from underneath the towel. “I’ll run right back up and defenestrate <i>you,</i> and then blockade my tower so you will never get me again.”</p><p>“Still sounds kinky,” Aria said from around a mouthful of rabbit stew.</p><p>“Let me back in, bitch,” Connor said, and tugged the towel out of Shea’s hands, wrapping it around both of them again. They huddled closer together, finally shutting up to eat. Raye grinned, looking around the fire at the hungry people and then up at the sky.</p><p>The stars looked farther away on this mountain, rather than the almost suffocating nearness Raye had felt when she had been on the beach, which was odd, in her opinion. She took a shuddering breath, trying to ignore the pain and cold coursing through her body and failing miserably. The wind had picked up a bit, and the rustle of the pines was louder.</p><p>Suddenly, a twig snapped off to her left. She peered into the dark, giving Ausa a quick glance and seeing he was doing the same. “Quiet,” she breathed, and he nodded almost imperceptibly.</p><p>There was a curse and the sound of an impact, then a kind of scratching. Irregular, stumbling steps got closer and closer to the small clearing against the cliff, and Raye’s heart beat hard in her throat. There was nothing she could do if someone found them and wanted to finish them off. Neither she or Ausa were in the shape to move, and judging by the red turned black by the moonlight staining the snow around them, neither would be lasting much longer either. She had hoped they would go out peacefully, under the stars, quietly slipping away as the only sound left was the wind, but that seemed less and less likely as the steps got closer.</p><p>A figure stumbled into the clearing, still hidden by the shadow of the trees, but they appeared hunched and their breathing was ragged. After a brief pause, they walked few steps further, and finally Raye could see who it was. Jack, nearly bent double, trailing the same color saturating the area around the two already propped against the cliff, fell to his knees a few yards away from them.</p><p>He looked up, and Raye met his eyes. A pained grimace of a smile ghosted across his face, and she did her best to reciprocate, despite them having been on unfriendly terms only a few hours ago. She didn’t wish to hold a grudge against a dying man, especially when she herself was dying. “How goes it?” she asked, and a wet chuckle escaped his throat.</p><p>“Damn peachy,” he replied, stretching his hands out toward his once-friends. They were dark and dripping, the blood a stunning contrast to the white of the snow.</p><p>Silence again took over the clearing, the only sound the pine trees. Raye closed her eyes, another wave of pain crashing through her body. She heard Jack moving closer, but couldn’t open her eyes for a whole minute until it finally faded enough where she could breathe properly again. Jack was lying in the snow at her feet, blooding bubbling from his mouth and nearly choking on the air whistling through his throat.</p><p>“I know it’s not much,” he whispered. “But I am sorry. I didn’t think that this would be the way it ended up.”</p><p>“I don’t think anyone ever does,” Ausa replied, and Raye nodded as much as her pain-ridden body would allow. </p><p>“I’m going to regret this,” she sighed, but shifted her numb limbs. Ausa looked at her questioningly, but she refused to make eye contact. Biting her lip against the agony, she turned and lay in the snow next to Jack, reaching an arm around him and pulling his head into her side. She heard a rustle, and the next thing she knew Ausa was also tucked into her side, curled against the pain in his own body, breathing shallowly and yet still with them. She heard Jack sob, and held him tighter as his cries eventually turned into shallow coughs, then shallow breathing. Finally, he sighed, no inhale following.</p><p>“He’s gone,” she breathed.</p><p>A quiet groan was Ausa’s only response. His breathing was labored and shallow as well, as it had been for hours, and the back of Raye’s lazily spinning mind registered surprise that he was still alive at all. He had taken a direct stab to the abdomen, and yet still managed to keep her company in their final moments.</p><p>Eventually, he also gave a final sigh. The life bled out of him slowly, but then Raye was alone, lost, dying, far away from home, feeling the wet snow and wet blood beneath her, with only the stars to keep her company. In the silence, the wind once again became apparent, and she smiled. She was dying peacefully with the stars and wind after all. There hadn’t been an explosion in hours, and she could almost convince herself she was alone, the only one in the entire world. </p><p>A cough escaped her throat, and something warm ran down her cheek. The cold fingers of panic touched her heart, and for the first time in a long time, she was afraid to die. She reached her hand upward again, toward the distant stars, begging for them to come as close as they had been the night on the beach. She wanted their closeness, their comfort. She had nothing left. Her friends had betrayed her. Ausa was dead, and not coming back in this world.</p><p>More blood ran down her cheek, and she gasped as another wave of pain darkened her vision at the edges. Her hand fell back to earth, and the stars seemed even farther away than they had been a few minutes ago.</p><p>Even the stars betrayed her, looking down coldly as the last of her life bled into the cold snow in a quiet mountain clearing.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>beep boop sneep snoop</p><p>I am but a sad college student dealing with a crippling caffeine addiction be kind to me :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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